


I Love You Softly

by thesalmondean



Series: Interludes [5]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Coda, Cuddling, Fluff and teeeeeeeny tiny bit of angst, M/M, Referenced Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-22 08:39:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8279743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesalmondean/pseuds/thesalmondean
Summary: Following Holly's funeral reception, Robert and Aaron have a conversation. Things are revealed, and things are realized. A coda to the episode from Thursday Oct 13, 2016.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Additionally, I personally needed a bit more motivation for Robert's actions today (Oct 14) with regards to the proposal - so I wrote this. (also includes a tiny bit of ret-conning....you'll see...)

When Robert opened the door to their room he found Aaron lying in bed, covers bundled up to his neck. He was awake, though, and Robert felt his eyes follow him as he entered the room.

It was barely 8 o'clock, and the night sky outside hadn't brightened by the rising moon yet. Glancing towards the window, Robert noticed it was propped open and a cool - almost cold - tendril of night air drifted in, wrapping around Robert causing him to shiver involuntarily. He didn't move to close the window though; instead he stripped down to his undershirt and shorts and slipped into bed. The sheets on his side were cool, but as he moved towards Aaron he felt the warmth beneath the covers envelope him.

Robert snuggled close to Aaron - who was lying on his right side, curled into a ball. Robert let himself melt around Aaron; his longer body fitting easily into a protective shell around Aaron. Pressing his lips to the back of Aaron's neck, he kissed him lightly before speaking into the dark room.

"You okay?" Robert finally spoke, gently, his left arm snaking between the pillows beneath their heads, while his right arm wrapped around Aaron's middle. He felt around blindly until he found Aaron's hand which eagerly grabbed on to Robert’s. Fingers threading together, Aaron pressed their clasped hands to his chest. Robert could feel the steady beat of Aaron's heart through his t-shirt - yet he didn't speak.

"Aaron?" Robert breathed against Aaron's neck, pressing his lips in another kiss before he rubbed his nose, and his forehead against the downy soft hairs at the base of Aaron’s neck; he could feel the knotted, tightness of his muscles just beneath the surface.

"I'm alright," Aaron finally answered, gripping Robert's hand tighter and pulling his arm tighter around him.

Robert remained silent, nuzzling into the small, dark, warm space between Aaron's head and the pillow and breathing in the scent of him, waiting for him to continue. Somehow he knew he would continue - he could sense Aaron had something more to say.

They laid together like that for what felt like a half hour or more - but what was probably only ten minutes. Robert was beginning to feel the weight of the exhaustion of the day overtake him, sleep beckoning; the warmth of the bed and the comfort of Aaron in his arms making him feel safer and more secure than anything else in his life ever had.

"We dated for awhile," Aaron said suddenly, "me 'n Holly."

Robert’s eyes fluttered open and he shifted his head slightly, laying soft butterfly kisses along Aaron's neck.

"I was with her when I started to think maybe I was gay," Aaron's voice spoke softly into the ever darkening room.

Robert stilled his movements and squeezed Aaron's hand, encouraging him. Aaron never really spoke of that time of his life and of all the things Vic had told Robert about Aaron over the years, that time was a bit of a mystery. Vic was always a bit hesitant to speak of it and whenever Robert’d pressed her for details she would only tell him to ask Aaron. Robert didn't like what that might mean - more tragedy for Aaron likely - and so if he could encourage Aaron to speak his mind; if he could learn that much more about this man he loved, it would be worth it.

"Though she seemed to have some idea I wasn’t really that into her. She dumped me," Aaron let out a breathy laugh.

Pressing tighter to Aaron, Robert wished he could literally surround him like a protective cocoon. Aaron seemed to understand, or perhaps feel the same because he uncurled slightly and allowed Robert to thread his leg between Aaron's, the discomforting coarseness of Aaron's leg hair was oddly pleasant.

Robert thought he might die of contentedness. He seemed to feel that way most nights when they'd curl up in bed together – most times after sex but sometimes too it was just to fall sleep. Regardless, Aaron made Robert happier than he had ever dreamed was possible. It made him want to cry at times the way his heart felt it would burst from his chest just thinking about Aaron's smile, or the way Aaron would gasp out his name when he was close, or when, after, Aaron’s thick, calloused fingers would play gently with Robert's hair...

"I'm sorry," Robert murmured, noticing out of the corner of his eye a sliver of moonlight creep slowly into the room.

Aaron attempted to shrug, but his ability was limited by Robert’s arm around him.

"S'okay," he finally said. "I'm more worried about Adam."

"I know," Robert soothed, "but you're allowed to feel sad, too. Sounds like you were close to her once and that type of thing stays with you."

For a brief moment Robert flashed back to Rebecca's statements to him at the bar; their affair had been brief but passionate - and once things with Chrissie had become more serious – once they were officially engaged – Robert had ended it. It hadn't been hard to end things as Rebecca moved away shortly thereafter. But Robert knew if something happened to her like what happened with Holly, he'd feel affected in some way; there’d be some bit of sadness. Still, what he and Rebecca had shared wasn't really like what Aaron had with Holly. Teenage relationships can be far more impactful on a person - and if Aaron had been slowly realizing he might not be attracted to women while also trying to pretend with Holly...well...that likely made everything all the more confusing for him, particularly his feelings about her.

"I tried to kiss Adam," Aaron said then, his voice a bit stronger.

"You what!?" Robert pulled back slightly from Aaron, surprised and immediately on the defensive; it took him less than a half a second to realize Aaron meant in the past, not recently.

"It was ages ago. Don't worry," Aaron's grip tightened on Robert's arm as he pulled Robert back to him.

"Oh, I'm not worried," Robert shook his head slightly before relaxing back into the crook of Aaron's neck, "just a little surprised."

"Yeah, well so was he," Aaron sighed.

"Took us awhile to move past it," Aaron paused, "took me awhile, actually. Though Adam spent those days happily telling anyone who would listen to him that I'd tried it on. That was the beginning of the end for me and Holly."

"I met Jackson soon after," Aaron added and Robert could hear hesitation in his voice.

"I want to know," he urged.

"Holly dumped me not long after that moment with Adam. I can't blame her, I'd been pushing her away for weeks, and then after what happened with Adam I latched onto her like I had something to prove," Aaron laughed again, "I s'pose I did think I had something to prove."

"But even if I hadn't figured out I fancied blokes, me 'n Holly wouldn't have lasted. She was who she was, and I don't think if I'd been her boyfriend any longer than I was that she'd have turned out any different. And I hate myself for thinking that way, let alone saying it." Aaron sighed. "We were close for a short time, and after that we were still friendly, mostly. She even told me she was proud of me, after I was outed in the paper."

"What?" Robert laughed, but at the same time felt appalled. "The paper?"

"Yeah. It's a long story," Aaron shifted in the bed and before Robert knew it he was pulling away and rolling to his other side so they were facing each other. The space between them felt cold and Robert shivered slightly before the disrupted air underneath the covers began to warm again.

"I've got time," Robert said with a smirk.

"I'm a bit surprised Vic hasn't told you all. She can be quite the gossip when she wants to be," Aaron replied, his own tone teasing.

Robert, feigning offense, rolled his eyes.

"Actually, Vic wouldn't tell me much about that time," Robert replied, "believe me I've asked."

Aaron's brow rose in surprise, and then he bit on his lower lip as his eyes shifted around the dark room, looking anywhere but at Robert.

"What is it?" Robert's concern for this mysterious, teenaged version of Aaron he never knew, shocking him a bit.

Robert brought his hand up and cupped Aaron's cheek, stroking his face with his thumb and pressing a soft kiss to the tip of his nose. He laughed at Aaron's bemused expression.

"I want to know everything about you," Robert added, not unaware of the irony of how little Aaron knew of his past...but that would be a conversation for another day. This night was about Aaron - and for whatever reason Robert felt like whatever it was Aaron had never told him would be instrumental in Robert understanding more of why Aaron was how he was.

"When did this become about me?" Aaron murmured, inching his face closer.

"My life is only about you," Robert responded, surprising himself and Aaron with the sincerity of the statement; Robert's mind flashed back to earlier in the evening and teasing Aaron about wanting to get married. He suddenly felt ashamed of being a bit cruel to the one and only person, aside from his family, that he would willingly die for.

"Hey? What's got your brow furrowed?" Aaron asked, his fingers lightly gripping Robert's chin before he took Robert's hand from his face and pulled it back under the covers - they were once again gripping tightly to each other.

"I'm serious, Aaron. You are the most important thing in my life. I love you so much I -," Robert shook his head unable to find any proper, fitting words to define the feelings swirling in his chest; there were no words in existence that matched the intensity of his feelings and it was frustrating being incapable of verbalizing to Aaron what he meant to him.

"I know you do," Aaron said, moving in and kissing Robert on the lips; soft, light kisses that lingered after he pulled away.

The swath of moonlight on the wall was bigger now, brightening the room a bit as they stared at each other. After a moment Robert began to relax.

"So tell me," Robert whispered.

Aaron stared at Robert a moment longer, chewing on his lower lip again, but this time his expression was thoughtful, no hint of the tension or avoidance Robert sensed before.

"I guess it started when I beat Paddy up," Aaron arched his brow before casting down his eyes. "I was proper scared. He'd worked out I was gay and confronted me about it. I couldn't handle it so I beat the crap out of him."

Robert tried to mask the genuine surprise he felt; Aaron assaulting Paddy?

"He forgave me, of course, because he’s brilliant. And he tried to help me accept and live with this new discovery I’d made about myself but I wasn't having it. I wasn't going to be gay. I mean...I told you that day how I’d fought it because of...," Aaron trailed off and Robert nodded.

"Yeah," he added. There was no need to mention his name, or to go back to that scene in January when Aaron had confessed the most awful thing Robert could have imagined.

"Well, then I met Jackson and we started hanging out at Bar West," Aaron flashed a teasing smile, "or the gay place as you like to call it."

"Shut up," Robert smirked back - but feeling a bit unsteady as he did. He knew Aaron was teasing him, but still it gnawed at him.

"Well some weeks later Jackson showed up here, in the pub, and I freaked out and hit him," Aaron sighed.

"Police were called, I was arrested, and people thought I was a gay basher because I'd hit Jackson...," Aaron rolled his lips into his mouth and nodded slowly. His eyes took on a faraway look and Robert felt a sense of foreboding in whatever Aaron was gearing up to say next.

"Then I tried to top myself."

"Wha-," Robert rose up on his elbow so he was looking down at Aaron.

"You what?"

"You heard me," Aaron said, gazing up at Robert with such an earnest look on his face that Robert's heart just broke for the teenager he used to be.

"After that, there was a court date for what I did to Jackson, where I admitted to being gay and then boom - outed in the paper. Local thug admits to being gay, or some version of that anyway. Tactful as headlines like that always are."

"This is...I can't believe she didn't tell me," Robert fell back on the pillows and raked his free hand through his hair and over his face. How could Vic neglect to tell Robert these things? This painted everything from the moment Robert met Aaron in a whole new light. All the times he’d tried to convince Robert to come out; all the times he’d alluded to having a rough time when he’d come out…it all made sense now.

"I can't believe you would -," Robert felt horrified; was there an alternate timeline version of himself living a life without Aaron in it, because he'd been successful in his attempt? Some horrific alternate dimension where he was stuck in that passionless marriage, probably with multiple blokes and ladies on the side, his to play with whenever he got the chance? He couldn't believe how long he'd let himself live that life as it was; now that he was free of it he finally felt alive and like he was allowed to be himself and it was all because of Aaron. He never wanted to lose that feeling, and he hoped he would be with Aaron forever....he....did he want to marry him?

He thought maybe he did.

The realization took Robert by surprise; of course he'd thought about it before but never very seriously. But with Aaron's comments earlier, and this conversation they were having, and the fact that Robert never wanted Aaron out of his life again...

"I’m a different person now," Aaron shrugged, bringing Robert back to the moment.

"I know," Robert moved closer, so that he and Aaron's foreheads were touching.

"I'm sorry you went through all that," he added.

"It's okay. Now. I'm okay," Aaron smiled and Robert believed him.

"I love you," Robert said again, desperate to make sure Aaron knew.

Aaron smiled, winked, and in one swift movement rolled on top of Robert, straddling him and saying nothing as he lowered his head and kissed Robert's cheeks, and forehead, and neck.

Robert sighed happily. This was all he ever wanted or needed in his life. He hoped, and wished, and prayed it never ceased to be.

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT: As the lovely commentor below pointed out, Robert did know about the suicide attempt....so.....we'll just pretend for the sake of this fic that he didn't! :) (Ugh - that's what I get for never rewatching that awful scrapyard scene...!)
> 
> ~~I've wanted Robert to find out about Aaron's suicide attempt since last year. I sincerely don't think they've ever discussed it. I think it's obvious from the July 2015 Lodge scenes Robert didn't know about it - and they've never really been in a place since then to talk about it in a natural way. I do think it makes sense when related to Holly's death.~~
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
